What Not To Name your Kids

Dear Son,

My friend sent me this today from a New York newspaper, and I thought it was just damn funny:

Man faces jail time for selling crack

A City of Poughkeepsie man faces a stint in jail for dealing crack in the city last year.

Landocalrissan Butler, 25, of Winnikee Avenue, entered a guilty plea Tuesday in Dutchess County Court to attempted criminal possession of a controlled substance, a felony. Butler told Judge Thomas J. Dolan he had five small bags of crack in his pocket Dec. 22 when police arrested him on Morgan Avenue. He said he intended to sell the drugs.

In exchange for his plea, Butler was promised a sentence of six months in jail and five years on probation. He will also be required to forfeit a cell phone and $432 police said he obtained through illegal drug sales.

Butler remains jailed pending his sentencing, scheduled for April 4.

"Landocalrissan" Classic. His parents didn't even spell "Calrissian" correctly.

Now, I'm a big Star Wars fan, as I expect you probably will be. But whatever your name is going to be, I promise it won't be "Jarjarbinks Johnson." Or even "Obiwankenobi Johnson." Although "Darthvader Johnson" would be kind of cool...

Kidding. And even if I wasn't, you're lucky enough to have a mom who wouldn't allow it.

Love, Dad.