Dear Son,
There's nothing better than sitting around, drinking a beer, and generally winding down, and then remembering that you completely forgot to do an assignment that's due on line in two hours. Sigh. Oh, well. At least I remembered, and got it in. It would have sucked more had I remembered tomorrow morning.
Stuff like this is why you won't get to read this blog until at least you're out of high school.
Off to bed. Tomorrow I argue fake Motions for a fake trial, and then I get to shoot very real guns. Sweet. The really cool thing is that I'll still be in my suit, so I'll feel like a total gangster.
This is going to be a busy week. But after this week, it's all down hill.
Love, Dad.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Monday, April 24, 2006
The Sound of Music
Dear Son,
I hadn't seen this movie for a really long time - in fact, I'm not 100% sure I'd ever seen the whole thing all the way through. It's a classic Rodgers and Hammerstein musical, with all kinds of catchy tunes I knew by heart as a kid before I even knew there was any such thing as "The Sound of Music."
We saw it at our friends' house, and the occasion was that one of them hadn't seen it before. Of course, his wife had to tell him it was a war movie, but then there you go. I think he secretly enjoyed it anyway.
You know you're about to watch a good movie when you're already humming along with the prelude. The songs are truly timeless. And they're so easy, too. You can play "Do-Re-Mi" on one of those children's xylophones.
When I was in junior high, I went through my musical hating stage. Like any good thirteen year old, I was pretty snotty about the whole genre. "Please. Like anyone just bursts out in song like that. And like everyone would automatically know all the words. They're so unrealistic and stupid." I imagine you'll go through something similar, although I hope not. We'll just have to raise you on them from the beginning. Mine wasn't really cured until I was in a community theatre production of The King and I, which was just too much fun.
What I didn't realize is that they're meant to be enjoyed as they are, not as realistic portrayals, but as almost a caricature of life. It's the same reason we enjoy animation. (Funny that I had no such snobbiness about Homer Simpson surviving falls from cliffs, but there you go. If you're rational as a thirteen year old, you'll be the first one I've ever met.) And besides, wouldn't that be a fun world to live in if we all sang all the time, and could instantly know lyrics, dance choreography, and harmonies along with everyone else in town? I can think of worse things.
But The Sound of Music has much more than just catchy tunes. It's the story that makes it compelling, as is always the case with movies that are still watched and loved by millions of people 40 years after they're made.
It's a simple story - woman can't hack the convent life, tries out a nanny gig, falls in love with the children and the widower father, and then they all live happily ever after, leisurely waltzing away from the Nazis as they stroll over the ridges of the Alps into Switzerland. It's (VEEERRRY loosely based on a true story.)
In all seriousness, though, it's a story about family. There is a rigid father who loves his children very much, and wants them to grow up to be successful. Of course, his entire concept of success comes from the Navy, which means he controls them with marching orders, military discipline, and an intricate system of bo'sun's pipe signals. It's a fantastic illustration of the unfortunate inadequacies of a single parent, and how there needs to be a softer perspective on the whole parenting thing than just pure manliness (although they show strong men as necessary, too, which is also refreshing. Most movies now show fathers as bumbling fools who must be constantly rescued and trained by their wives and children, a disrespectful and dishonest view of what a healthy family should be.)
The interesting thing is that both Captain von Trapp and Maria wind up completing, and in the process, saving and strengthening each other and the children. They fit perfectly as a new family. That may be less realistic than the singing, although I don't really think so. Some of the transitions in acceptance and bonding in the relationships in the movie are a bit abrupt, but there's a large span of time that's tough to accurately portray, especially in this genre, that makes it make more sense. As the kids' governess, Maria would truly have become a mother to them. And while it's tragic the mother had died, they at least didn't have the baggage of having a bitter ex-wife piling some more poison into the relationship, which is how an awful lot of people of my generation instinctively view step families.
The movie changes in the third act, and turns dark. The Nazis take power in Austria, and the new family is feeling the heat from the fascists. The Captain is proudly Austrian, and wants none of the Third Reich. After bravely singing Edelweiss, a song which symbolizes Austria itself, at a public festival (in a scene which reminded me of the Die Wacht am Rhein/La Marseilles duel in Casablanca), the family escapes to Maria's old convent where the nuns help them escape (another thing missing in movies these days is religion as a force for good). The last scene is kind of unintentionally funny - I just don't think escaping from the Nazis in 1938 by hiking over the Alps with only the clothes on your back would so resemble a pleasant walk in the park.
Although, since they won in that festival in 1936, two years before the Anschluss, and actually took a train to Italy and then openly emigrated to America in 1939...
Eh, but who cares. The movie has no problem exaggerating or altering the reality of the von Trapp story, but then we again come back to the whole point of the thing and the reason it's so powerful. It's a simple story with simple characters who either represent or become the best of what we all can be. The themes are immutable and universal: Good overcomes evil. Love overcomes the tragedy of a lost mother. Music soothes the savage beast. Nazis are the best movie bad guys ever.
Ultimately, son, this musical will be as beloved and popular to your generation as it is today because of these things. And I expect you'll know some of the songs before you ever see it, and that they'll come to represent family and happy memories for you, just as they do for me. Well, that and my elementary school music teacher. And those toy xylophones. But either way, you'll love it.
Love, Dad.
I hadn't seen this movie for a really long time - in fact, I'm not 100% sure I'd ever seen the whole thing all the way through. It's a classic Rodgers and Hammerstein musical, with all kinds of catchy tunes I knew by heart as a kid before I even knew there was any such thing as "The Sound of Music."
We saw it at our friends' house, and the occasion was that one of them hadn't seen it before. Of course, his wife had to tell him it was a war movie, but then there you go. I think he secretly enjoyed it anyway.
You know you're about to watch a good movie when you're already humming along with the prelude. The songs are truly timeless. And they're so easy, too. You can play "Do-Re-Mi" on one of those children's xylophones.
When I was in junior high, I went through my musical hating stage. Like any good thirteen year old, I was pretty snotty about the whole genre. "Please. Like anyone just bursts out in song like that. And like everyone would automatically know all the words. They're so unrealistic and stupid." I imagine you'll go through something similar, although I hope not. We'll just have to raise you on them from the beginning. Mine wasn't really cured until I was in a community theatre production of The King and I, which was just too much fun.
What I didn't realize is that they're meant to be enjoyed as they are, not as realistic portrayals, but as almost a caricature of life. It's the same reason we enjoy animation. (Funny that I had no such snobbiness about Homer Simpson surviving falls from cliffs, but there you go. If you're rational as a thirteen year old, you'll be the first one I've ever met.) And besides, wouldn't that be a fun world to live in if we all sang all the time, and could instantly know lyrics, dance choreography, and harmonies along with everyone else in town? I can think of worse things.
But The Sound of Music has much more than just catchy tunes. It's the story that makes it compelling, as is always the case with movies that are still watched and loved by millions of people 40 years after they're made.
It's a simple story - woman can't hack the convent life, tries out a nanny gig, falls in love with the children and the widower father, and then they all live happily ever after, leisurely waltzing away from the Nazis as they stroll over the ridges of the Alps into Switzerland. It's (VEEERRRY loosely based on a true story.)
In all seriousness, though, it's a story about family. There is a rigid father who loves his children very much, and wants them to grow up to be successful. Of course, his entire concept of success comes from the Navy, which means he controls them with marching orders, military discipline, and an intricate system of bo'sun's pipe signals. It's a fantastic illustration of the unfortunate inadequacies of a single parent, and how there needs to be a softer perspective on the whole parenting thing than just pure manliness (although they show strong men as necessary, too, which is also refreshing. Most movies now show fathers as bumbling fools who must be constantly rescued and trained by their wives and children, a disrespectful and dishonest view of what a healthy family should be.)
The interesting thing is that both Captain von Trapp and Maria wind up completing, and in the process, saving and strengthening each other and the children. They fit perfectly as a new family. That may be less realistic than the singing, although I don't really think so. Some of the transitions in acceptance and bonding in the relationships in the movie are a bit abrupt, but there's a large span of time that's tough to accurately portray, especially in this genre, that makes it make more sense. As the kids' governess, Maria would truly have become a mother to them. And while it's tragic the mother had died, they at least didn't have the baggage of having a bitter ex-wife piling some more poison into the relationship, which is how an awful lot of people of my generation instinctively view step families.
The movie changes in the third act, and turns dark. The Nazis take power in Austria, and the new family is feeling the heat from the fascists. The Captain is proudly Austrian, and wants none of the Third Reich. After bravely singing Edelweiss, a song which symbolizes Austria itself, at a public festival (in a scene which reminded me of the Die Wacht am Rhein/La Marseilles duel in Casablanca), the family escapes to Maria's old convent where the nuns help them escape (another thing missing in movies these days is religion as a force for good). The last scene is kind of unintentionally funny - I just don't think escaping from the Nazis in 1938 by hiking over the Alps with only the clothes on your back would so resemble a pleasant walk in the park.
Although, since they won in that festival in 1936, two years before the Anschluss, and actually took a train to Italy and then openly emigrated to America in 1939...
Eh, but who cares. The movie has no problem exaggerating or altering the reality of the von Trapp story, but then we again come back to the whole point of the thing and the reason it's so powerful. It's a simple story with simple characters who either represent or become the best of what we all can be. The themes are immutable and universal: Good overcomes evil. Love overcomes the tragedy of a lost mother. Music soothes the savage beast. Nazis are the best movie bad guys ever.
Ultimately, son, this musical will be as beloved and popular to your generation as it is today because of these things. And I expect you'll know some of the songs before you ever see it, and that they'll come to represent family and happy memories for you, just as they do for me. Well, that and my elementary school music teacher. And those toy xylophones. But either way, you'll love it.
Love, Dad.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Take Me Out to the Ball Game
Dear Son,
Today we went to a Mariners game. They got shut out by the Detroit Tigers, which was kind of a bummer - I can't remember the last time I went to a game and they actually WON. But Matt was happy, since he's from Michigan and was the reason we went to the game in the first place.
Baseball is one of those sports that's more fun to watch live. It's just too slow for the TV. But at the ball park you can fallow the action more easily, and it becomes a kind of whole experience. Complete with the peanuts. And Safeco Field is a fantastic stadium. There's hardly a bad seat in the house, and it just feels like... baseball.
Word to the wise - right now the best booze deal in the place is the sushi stand where they serve cups of sake for $6.50. For the cost of a beer, you get twice the alcohol, and it's warm to boot - and let me tell you, on nights like tonight, that's pretty nice. It was cold when that wind came up over the Sound.
I didn't go to a major league baseball game until I moved out here to Seattle. It was a pretty exciting way to be broken in. It was the year the Mariners tied the record for the most wins in a season, and that day I watched them beat the Diamondbacks from great seats on the first base line. The Diamondbacks won it all that year, too, if I remember correctly.
I hope we can take you to a game earlier than that. It's a lot of fun, and a part of the American experience I think is important to have under your belt. The real question is who we'll go watch and root for down there in Reno...
Love, Orrin
Today we went to a Mariners game. They got shut out by the Detroit Tigers, which was kind of a bummer - I can't remember the last time I went to a game and they actually WON. But Matt was happy, since he's from Michigan and was the reason we went to the game in the first place.
Baseball is one of those sports that's more fun to watch live. It's just too slow for the TV. But at the ball park you can fallow the action more easily, and it becomes a kind of whole experience. Complete with the peanuts. And Safeco Field is a fantastic stadium. There's hardly a bad seat in the house, and it just feels like... baseball.
Word to the wise - right now the best booze deal in the place is the sushi stand where they serve cups of sake for $6.50. For the cost of a beer, you get twice the alcohol, and it's warm to boot - and let me tell you, on nights like tonight, that's pretty nice. It was cold when that wind came up over the Sound.
I didn't go to a major league baseball game until I moved out here to Seattle. It was a pretty exciting way to be broken in. It was the year the Mariners tied the record for the most wins in a season, and that day I watched them beat the Diamondbacks from great seats on the first base line. The Diamondbacks won it all that year, too, if I remember correctly.
I hope we can take you to a game earlier than that. It's a lot of fun, and a part of the American experience I think is important to have under your belt. The real question is who we'll go watch and root for down there in Reno...
Love, Orrin
Slackin'
Dear Son,
I've been pretty delinquent about writing lately. I kind of have a lot to report, too - some interesting movies, a baseball game, a fun Easter visit with an old friend and her daughter, a moot court tournament that didn't go as well as I'd hoped...
It's funny how the urge to write comes late at night. If I was ever a novelist, I would drive you and your mom crazy. I'd get some idea in the middle of the night, and I'd get up and write until the sun came up. I'd probably do it now with this blog if my computer started up faster.
Anyway, I'm still here. And thinking about you. More to come - your mom officially started studying for the Nevada bar exam today. She'll be at it pretty hard for the next few months, and I'll have down time to do this sort of thing.
Love, Dad
I've been pretty delinquent about writing lately. I kind of have a lot to report, too - some interesting movies, a baseball game, a fun Easter visit with an old friend and her daughter, a moot court tournament that didn't go as well as I'd hoped...
It's funny how the urge to write comes late at night. If I was ever a novelist, I would drive you and your mom crazy. I'd get some idea in the middle of the night, and I'd get up and write until the sun came up. I'd probably do it now with this blog if my computer started up faster.
Anyway, I'm still here. And thinking about you. More to come - your mom officially started studying for the Nevada bar exam today. She'll be at it pretty hard for the next few months, and I'll have down time to do this sort of thing.
Love, Dad
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Iraqi Liberation Day
Dear Son,
Three years ago today the famous statue of Saddam Hussein fell. I lived in Everett, WA at the time, which apparently has the largest Iraqi population in this state. When it happened, I remember people rushed into the streets, spontaneously cheering and celebrating, waving American and Iraqi flags. I felt very proud to be even peripherally involved, and to have supported it. I remember that, at the time, the media was already throwing the "Q" word around because a sand storm delayed operations for a few days. As I write this, I still feel that pride I felt that day.
When I was a kid learning about past wars, especially Vietnam, I was lied to about how people felt about it at the time, and what the facts about that conflict actually were. I hope by the time you're in school, we will have not lost our nerve in this important fight for freedom, as your grandparents' generation did in Southeast Asia. When they did that, they caused the deaths of millions of people, while patting themselves on the back for their dedication to peace.
They didn't learn that evil ignored is evil unleashed. If we give up now, then you will simply have to pick up the pieces in the Middle East.
Now, three years after that statue fell, the Iraqi people voted in ever increasing numbers, under threat of death. (Too many of us wouldn't vote if it meant we'd have to fight too much traffic, or if we couldn't have the ballots mailed to our front door. I bet by the time you read this we'll all vote on line!) Political opponents are no longer tossed into wood chippers. The people have regained their sovereignty, and are forming a government. We learned the Saddam indeed was a threat to us, if not as soon as we thought, then surely in the future. Hundreds of free Iraqi newspaper presses are running all over the country. There is a long, hard road ahead, but there is hope for a better future in Iraq.
And what's more, the soldiers now fighting in Iraq are reenlisting and reporting success. And when given the chance to vote for President Bush they rejected the defeatists and voted for him overwhelmingly.
Since high school, I've always been fascinated with the mechanisms and structure of government. It's been fascinating and inspiring to see a people create the foundations of a new and free government in real time, and to see how they solve problems and overcome deadly obstacles. Too often, when an unjust government is overthrown, what takes its place is no better, or indeed worse - as the Cubans know all too well. (Perhaps Cubans will be free by the time you read this, too.) But the Iraqis have rejected that fate with their continued willingness to vote, and through their continued willingness to put their lives on the line by running for office, publishing newspapers, and enlisting in the national police force. They've embraced due process Saddam denied them, and are conducting a remarkable trial despite the best efforts of the defense "attorneys" for whom winning is more important than maintaining the integrity of a fair trial system.
The critics now predict civil war and failure. But those predictions have far more to do with their hatred of President Bush and their unflinching willingness to ignore any evidence which doesn't conform with a view they cemented 4 years ago than their deductive reasoning skills. They are the same people that solemnly predicted we would fare worse than the Soviets in Afghanistan, that it would take years to take Baghdad, that refugees would cripple the region, that sandstorm = quagmire, that the Iraqis could not successfully vote, that they could not agree on a constitution, and that the Kurds would instantly break away. Every prediction they make has been wrong. Why anyone still listens to them, I'll never know. I hope we've stopped listening to them by the time you read this, but I won't hold my breath.
This effort can still fail. We have prominent American politicians give seditious and false speeches in enemy territory - giving the enemy hope. We have an enemy determined to scare us away so they can once again oppress their enemies and slaughter political enemies without thinking twice. It's no wonder they ensure their bombs go off in front of TV cameras. I am terrified that we will give in, put our heads in an isolationist sand, and make the world less safe for you.
If the story you know about Iraq is one of failure, know that it only happened because we let them fail by abandoning the effort. It was completely up to us. The leftist defeatists who care more about saying "I told you so" than making the world a safer place want us to leave now, leaving millions of Iraqis to their doom. (Don't think they merely "care about the troops and want to bring them home safe" - it isn't any more true now than when they spit on the troops coming home from Vietnam. They sneer at the military reflexively and surround themselves with people who love to denigrate America.)
I'm proud to stand with the Iraqis, and proud to support a mission that if successful, will make the world safer for you. I promise that I will do my part by continuing to vote for American politicians who understand that peace in not just the absence of war, but the presence of freedom and justice - things which require brave men and women to fight for. I won't let you forget the people who voted in the face of those who would kill them for their purple fingers, and because they reject returning to the bad old days of tyranny.
Son, this is the face of freedom and courage:
Remember it all your life, and let it inspire you to do the right thing, even when it is hard and dangerous. Let it remind you that evil flourishes when good men stand by and do nothing. Let it remind you to not take your right and duty to vote for granted. Let it remind you that war is terrible but far better than slavery or oppression. And let it remind you of the thousands of men and women who have fought and died (and even who are suffering boring, dangerous, and family-punishing deployments) to incubate freedom around the world.
Love, Dad
Three years ago today the famous statue of Saddam Hussein fell. I lived in Everett, WA at the time, which apparently has the largest Iraqi population in this state. When it happened, I remember people rushed into the streets, spontaneously cheering and celebrating, waving American and Iraqi flags. I felt very proud to be even peripherally involved, and to have supported it. I remember that, at the time, the media was already throwing the "Q" word around because a sand storm delayed operations for a few days. As I write this, I still feel that pride I felt that day.
When I was a kid learning about past wars, especially Vietnam, I was lied to about how people felt about it at the time, and what the facts about that conflict actually were. I hope by the time you're in school, we will have not lost our nerve in this important fight for freedom, as your grandparents' generation did in Southeast Asia. When they did that, they caused the deaths of millions of people, while patting themselves on the back for their dedication to peace.
They didn't learn that evil ignored is evil unleashed. If we give up now, then you will simply have to pick up the pieces in the Middle East.
Now, three years after that statue fell, the Iraqi people voted in ever increasing numbers, under threat of death. (Too many of us wouldn't vote if it meant we'd have to fight too much traffic, or if we couldn't have the ballots mailed to our front door. I bet by the time you read this we'll all vote on line!) Political opponents are no longer tossed into wood chippers. The people have regained their sovereignty, and are forming a government. We learned the Saddam indeed was a threat to us, if not as soon as we thought, then surely in the future. Hundreds of free Iraqi newspaper presses are running all over the country. There is a long, hard road ahead, but there is hope for a better future in Iraq.
And what's more, the soldiers now fighting in Iraq are reenlisting and reporting success. And when given the chance to vote for President Bush they rejected the defeatists and voted for him overwhelmingly.
Since high school, I've always been fascinated with the mechanisms and structure of government. It's been fascinating and inspiring to see a people create the foundations of a new and free government in real time, and to see how they solve problems and overcome deadly obstacles. Too often, when an unjust government is overthrown, what takes its place is no better, or indeed worse - as the Cubans know all too well. (Perhaps Cubans will be free by the time you read this, too.) But the Iraqis have rejected that fate with their continued willingness to vote, and through their continued willingness to put their lives on the line by running for office, publishing newspapers, and enlisting in the national police force. They've embraced due process Saddam denied them, and are conducting a remarkable trial despite the best efforts of the defense "attorneys" for whom winning is more important than maintaining the integrity of a fair trial system.
The critics now predict civil war and failure. But those predictions have far more to do with their hatred of President Bush and their unflinching willingness to ignore any evidence which doesn't conform with a view they cemented 4 years ago than their deductive reasoning skills. They are the same people that solemnly predicted we would fare worse than the Soviets in Afghanistan, that it would take years to take Baghdad, that refugees would cripple the region, that sandstorm = quagmire, that the Iraqis could not successfully vote, that they could not agree on a constitution, and that the Kurds would instantly break away. Every prediction they make has been wrong. Why anyone still listens to them, I'll never know. I hope we've stopped listening to them by the time you read this, but I won't hold my breath.
This effort can still fail. We have prominent American politicians give seditious and false speeches in enemy territory - giving the enemy hope. We have an enemy determined to scare us away so they can once again oppress their enemies and slaughter political enemies without thinking twice. It's no wonder they ensure their bombs go off in front of TV cameras. I am terrified that we will give in, put our heads in an isolationist sand, and make the world less safe for you.
If the story you know about Iraq is one of failure, know that it only happened because we let them fail by abandoning the effort. It was completely up to us. The leftist defeatists who care more about saying "I told you so" than making the world a safer place want us to leave now, leaving millions of Iraqis to their doom. (Don't think they merely "care about the troops and want to bring them home safe" - it isn't any more true now than when they spit on the troops coming home from Vietnam. They sneer at the military reflexively and surround themselves with people who love to denigrate America.)
I'm proud to stand with the Iraqis, and proud to support a mission that if successful, will make the world safer for you. I promise that I will do my part by continuing to vote for American politicians who understand that peace in not just the absence of war, but the presence of freedom and justice - things which require brave men and women to fight for. I won't let you forget the people who voted in the face of those who would kill them for their purple fingers, and because they reject returning to the bad old days of tyranny.
Son, this is the face of freedom and courage:
Remember it all your life, and let it inspire you to do the right thing, even when it is hard and dangerous. Let it remind you that evil flourishes when good men stand by and do nothing. Let it remind you to not take your right and duty to vote for granted. Let it remind you that war is terrible but far better than slavery or oppression. And let it remind you of the thousands of men and women who have fought and died (and even who are suffering boring, dangerous, and family-punishing deployments) to incubate freedom around the world.Love, Dad
Thursday, April 06, 2006
How To Apologize
Dear Son,
Today a Congresswoman from Georgia who had assaulted a police officer at the US Capitol and then blamed the officer for it claiming he was a racist was forced to appologize. The poor character she showed through her imperiousness was bad enough. But her appology really showed her true colors. I wrote about it here, detailing the insincerity of her remarks.
(I wonder how long these links will last? Will you still be able to read my FedSoc musings 30 years from now? That's a little mind blowing...)
Remember this, though. There's no such thing as an apology with the word "but" in it. The "but" is easy. It takes the sting out. It lets you feel good about yourself. But like all butts, it stinks.
When you make mistakes, and even do bad things (and you will - we all have a case of the stupids sometimes), your character is tested. You will show that you have it when you look the person you've wronged in the eye and simply say, "I'm sorry. I was wrong to have done that. I'll do my best to make sure it doesn't happen again." And then follow through with that promise to learn from your error.
It's even more effective when there really is a legitimate "but." Even if the person you wronged wronged you as well, you will come out the better man by admitting your wrongs without expecting (or caring) that he do the same. In some ways, the apology is more about doing the right thing for yourself, and becoming a better person. Because if you did something wrong, it doesn't matter if someone else also did something wrong. Take the case of this Congresswoman. She originally tried to justify her actions by claiming that all cops were racist at heart. What if that were true? What if the cop had used a racial slur? It wouldn't have mattered. She still would have been wrong to hit him. If she really believed there was racism in the system, she could have more effectively fought that without being drug into a brawl. It's about restraint, and not giving in to temptation. And those are the traits great people and great leaders have.
And aside from the character building exercise of it all, it will benefit you! If you're getting yelled at for making a mistake at work, admit you were wrong. The boss can hardly yell at you afterwards, and he or she will trust you far more after that. You can turn a mistake, or even an out and out bad act, into something that will make people think better of you. Most people can't do this - only the very strong, the very brave, and the very self-assured. Because they know it, they will admire that you did a hard thing. And you may even inspire them to do the right thing, too.
It works on relationships, too. Nothing defuses a fight faster than saying, "Sweetie, I was wrong. I'm sorry. Let me make you some dinner." That terrible "but" is the cause of a hell of a lot of breakups and divorces. It's about loving your partner (or even your friends) more than your ego.
Likewise, if you don't do this, people will remember. The worst part about Rep. McKinney's story isn't that she got frustrated and punched a cop (although that's bad). The worst part was how she refused to admit she was wrong, and then blamed her victim. That's just cowardly. No one likes a person who always has an excuse for whatever they do.
Don't take any of this to mean you shouldn't stick up for yourself. Don't be a wuss or a doormat (and it's not always easy to find that line). But when you're wrong, admit it, and move on. Your life will be so much richer and your spirit so much clamer for it.
Love, Dad
Today a Congresswoman from Georgia who had assaulted a police officer at the US Capitol and then blamed the officer for it claiming he was a racist was forced to appologize. The poor character she showed through her imperiousness was bad enough. But her appology really showed her true colors. I wrote about it here, detailing the insincerity of her remarks.
(I wonder how long these links will last? Will you still be able to read my FedSoc musings 30 years from now? That's a little mind blowing...)
Remember this, though. There's no such thing as an apology with the word "but" in it. The "but" is easy. It takes the sting out. It lets you feel good about yourself. But like all butts, it stinks.
When you make mistakes, and even do bad things (and you will - we all have a case of the stupids sometimes), your character is tested. You will show that you have it when you look the person you've wronged in the eye and simply say, "I'm sorry. I was wrong to have done that. I'll do my best to make sure it doesn't happen again." And then follow through with that promise to learn from your error.
It's even more effective when there really is a legitimate "but." Even if the person you wronged wronged you as well, you will come out the better man by admitting your wrongs without expecting (or caring) that he do the same. In some ways, the apology is more about doing the right thing for yourself, and becoming a better person. Because if you did something wrong, it doesn't matter if someone else also did something wrong. Take the case of this Congresswoman. She originally tried to justify her actions by claiming that all cops were racist at heart. What if that were true? What if the cop had used a racial slur? It wouldn't have mattered. She still would have been wrong to hit him. If she really believed there was racism in the system, she could have more effectively fought that without being drug into a brawl. It's about restraint, and not giving in to temptation. And those are the traits great people and great leaders have.
And aside from the character building exercise of it all, it will benefit you! If you're getting yelled at for making a mistake at work, admit you were wrong. The boss can hardly yell at you afterwards, and he or she will trust you far more after that. You can turn a mistake, or even an out and out bad act, into something that will make people think better of you. Most people can't do this - only the very strong, the very brave, and the very self-assured. Because they know it, they will admire that you did a hard thing. And you may even inspire them to do the right thing, too.
It works on relationships, too. Nothing defuses a fight faster than saying, "Sweetie, I was wrong. I'm sorry. Let me make you some dinner." That terrible "but" is the cause of a hell of a lot of breakups and divorces. It's about loving your partner (or even your friends) more than your ego.
Likewise, if you don't do this, people will remember. The worst part about Rep. McKinney's story isn't that she got frustrated and punched a cop (although that's bad). The worst part was how she refused to admit she was wrong, and then blamed her victim. That's just cowardly. No one likes a person who always has an excuse for whatever they do.
Don't take any of this to mean you shouldn't stick up for yourself. Don't be a wuss or a doormat (and it's not always easy to find that line). But when you're wrong, admit it, and move on. Your life will be so much richer and your spirit so much clamer for it.
Love, Dad
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Holes In Your Face
Dear Son,
I hope to God that by the time you get to Junior High, the facial piercing fad will be over. It's so gross. I just don't get it. How is it that people who want to be taken seriously jam a bolt through their eyebrow?
The really funny thing is that they mutilate themselves, and then whine that people are judging them on "how they look." bizarre. It's not like anyone put a gun to their head. They weren't born that way, unfairly persecuted through no fault of their own. Nope. One day, they woke up and said, "hey, I have a GREAT idea. I'll irrevocably make holes in my face, holes which will ruin any credibility I may have in a serious job interview. It won't make me look any better. In fact, it'll be purposefully repulsive, and I'll be able to claim moral high ground over the Loser Conformists. It will hurt, but it'll be worth it, because then all those other idiots with holes in their face will know how unique I am. Why, I'll be as unique as they are!"
I understand peer pressure. But it takes a special kind of idiot to think this is a good idea.
Facial piercings are bad enough on a fast food clerk (who no doubt blames "The Man" for keeping them down). But when I see it on people in law school, I'm just baffled. Do they NOT want a job? Do they really think that it's somehow "discrimination" to not hire them? Do they not want to be taken seriously in court? I guess pissing off Daddy is more important than having a good job. Morons.
Love, Dad.
I hope to God that by the time you get to Junior High, the facial piercing fad will be over. It's so gross. I just don't get it. How is it that people who want to be taken seriously jam a bolt through their eyebrow?
The really funny thing is that they mutilate themselves, and then whine that people are judging them on "how they look." bizarre. It's not like anyone put a gun to their head. They weren't born that way, unfairly persecuted through no fault of their own. Nope. One day, they woke up and said, "hey, I have a GREAT idea. I'll irrevocably make holes in my face, holes which will ruin any credibility I may have in a serious job interview. It won't make me look any better. In fact, it'll be purposefully repulsive, and I'll be able to claim moral high ground over the Loser Conformists. It will hurt, but it'll be worth it, because then all those other idiots with holes in their face will know how unique I am. Why, I'll be as unique as they are!"
I understand peer pressure. But it takes a special kind of idiot to think this is a good idea.
Facial piercings are bad enough on a fast food clerk (who no doubt blames "The Man" for keeping them down). But when I see it on people in law school, I'm just baffled. Do they NOT want a job? Do they really think that it's somehow "discrimination" to not hire them? Do they not want to be taken seriously in court? I guess pissing off Daddy is more important than having a good job. Morons.
Love, Dad.
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