Dear Son,
Today a Congresswoman from Georgia who had assaulted a police officer at the US Capitol and then blamed the officer for it claiming he was a racist was forced to appologize. The poor character she showed through her imperiousness was bad enough. But her appology really showed her true colors. I wrote about it here, detailing the insincerity of her remarks.
(I wonder how long these links will last? Will you still be able to read my FedSoc musings 30 years from now? That's a little mind blowing...)
Remember this, though. There's no such thing as an apology with the word "but" in it. The "but" is easy. It takes the sting out. It lets you feel good about yourself. But like all butts, it stinks.
When you make mistakes, and even do bad things (and you will - we all have a case of the stupids sometimes), your character is tested. You will show that you have it when you look the person you've wronged in the eye and simply say, "I'm sorry. I was wrong to have done that. I'll do my best to make sure it doesn't happen again." And then follow through with that promise to learn from your error.
It's even more effective when there really is a legitimate "but." Even if the person you wronged wronged you as well, you will come out the better man by admitting your wrongs without expecting (or caring) that he do the same. In some ways, the apology is more about doing the right thing for yourself, and becoming a better person. Because if you did something wrong, it doesn't matter if someone else also did something wrong. Take the case of this Congresswoman. She originally tried to justify her actions by claiming that all cops were racist at heart. What if that were true? What if the cop had used a racial slur? It wouldn't have mattered. She still would have been wrong to hit him. If she really believed there was racism in the system, she could have more effectively fought that without being drug into a brawl. It's about restraint, and not giving in to temptation. And those are the traits great people and great leaders have.
And aside from the character building exercise of it all, it will benefit you! If you're getting yelled at for making a mistake at work, admit you were wrong. The boss can hardly yell at you afterwards, and he or she will trust you far more after that. You can turn a mistake, or even an out and out bad act, into something that will make people think better of you. Most people can't do this - only the very strong, the very brave, and the very self-assured. Because they know it, they will admire that you did a hard thing. And you may even inspire them to do the right thing, too.
It works on relationships, too. Nothing defuses a fight faster than saying, "Sweetie, I was wrong. I'm sorry. Let me make you some dinner." That terrible "but" is the cause of a hell of a lot of breakups and divorces. It's about loving your partner (or even your friends) more than your ego.
Likewise, if you don't do this, people will remember. The worst part about Rep. McKinney's story isn't that she got frustrated and punched a cop (although that's bad). The worst part was how she refused to admit she was wrong, and then blamed her victim. That's just cowardly. No one likes a person who always has an excuse for whatever they do.
Don't take any of this to mean you shouldn't stick up for yourself. Don't be a wuss or a doormat (and it's not always easy to find that line). But when you're wrong, admit it, and move on. Your life will be so much richer and your spirit so much clamer for it.
Love, Dad
Today a Congresswoman from Georgia who had assaulted a police officer at the US Capitol and then blamed the officer for it claiming he was a racist was forced to appologize. The poor character she showed through her imperiousness was bad enough. But her appology really showed her true colors. I wrote about it here, detailing the insincerity of her remarks.
(I wonder how long these links will last? Will you still be able to read my FedSoc musings 30 years from now? That's a little mind blowing...)
Remember this, though. There's no such thing as an apology with the word "but" in it. The "but" is easy. It takes the sting out. It lets you feel good about yourself. But like all butts, it stinks.
When you make mistakes, and even do bad things (and you will - we all have a case of the stupids sometimes), your character is tested. You will show that you have it when you look the person you've wronged in the eye and simply say, "I'm sorry. I was wrong to have done that. I'll do my best to make sure it doesn't happen again." And then follow through with that promise to learn from your error.
It's even more effective when there really is a legitimate "but." Even if the person you wronged wronged you as well, you will come out the better man by admitting your wrongs without expecting (or caring) that he do the same. In some ways, the apology is more about doing the right thing for yourself, and becoming a better person. Because if you did something wrong, it doesn't matter if someone else also did something wrong. Take the case of this Congresswoman. She originally tried to justify her actions by claiming that all cops were racist at heart. What if that were true? What if the cop had used a racial slur? It wouldn't have mattered. She still would have been wrong to hit him. If she really believed there was racism in the system, she could have more effectively fought that without being drug into a brawl. It's about restraint, and not giving in to temptation. And those are the traits great people and great leaders have.
And aside from the character building exercise of it all, it will benefit you! If you're getting yelled at for making a mistake at work, admit you were wrong. The boss can hardly yell at you afterwards, and he or she will trust you far more after that. You can turn a mistake, or even an out and out bad act, into something that will make people think better of you. Most people can't do this - only the very strong, the very brave, and the very self-assured. Because they know it, they will admire that you did a hard thing. And you may even inspire them to do the right thing, too.
It works on relationships, too. Nothing defuses a fight faster than saying, "Sweetie, I was wrong. I'm sorry. Let me make you some dinner." That terrible "but" is the cause of a hell of a lot of breakups and divorces. It's about loving your partner (or even your friends) more than your ego.
Likewise, if you don't do this, people will remember. The worst part about Rep. McKinney's story isn't that she got frustrated and punched a cop (although that's bad). The worst part was how she refused to admit she was wrong, and then blamed her victim. That's just cowardly. No one likes a person who always has an excuse for whatever they do.
Don't take any of this to mean you shouldn't stick up for yourself. Don't be a wuss or a doormat (and it's not always easy to find that line). But when you're wrong, admit it, and move on. Your life will be so much richer and your spirit so much clamer for it.
Love, Dad
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